Everybody says that it is not easy to be a parent of a teenager. Nowadays, as a loving mother of twins, 15 years old boy and a girl, I’m telling you that raising two teenagers is not simple, not simple at all.
I remember myself as a teenager many years ago. I was an average student, had many friends, and was not a troublemaker, yet my mother seemed to be discontented with my behavior, often accusing of misbehaving, which I truly didn’t understand why. Sometimes, she used to bribe me with all sorts of presents, on the condition that I improve my behavior.
I vividly remember myself trying to do the best I could. I cleaned the dishes, but often broke a plate or two. Once I tried to cook some pastry with meat, but roasted the meat together with the pot. I hid the burnt pot deep in the storeroom, so that it won’t be found. It was only ten years later, when we moved to another apartment that my parents found it. Once, I helped my mother to clean the house, but I was in a hurry to wash the floor quickly and broke a big ceramic jar, which my mother laboriously and at length decorated with paintings.
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Looking back at those days, I truly tried to do my best, however my mother had a different perspective from mine on what was “good and proper behavior”.
At those times, in the 70’s, the family doctor was regarded not just as a doctor, but as a shrink too, and my mother desperately went to ask Dr. Grosova, the family doctor, for advice.
Now, let me quote the exact conversation that has occurred 40 years ago between my mother and Dr. Grosova.
My mother: “What shall I do with my daughter, she is driving me nuts. She doesn’t listen to what I say. She doesn’t help me at home. She doesn’t wash her clothes. She doesn’t even put her plate in the sink after she finishes to eat, but leaves it on the table. Her room looks in such a mess, as if a hurricane storm has passed through it and decided to remain. What do you think I should do or say to her?”
Dr. Grosova: “I’m afraid that there is only one answer to your question, and here it is:
Don’t mess with her. Don’t argue with her, don’t get into any loud arguments with her, and don’t speak as if you know better than her. Nobody knows better than a 15 years old teenager, so don’t try to prove her wrong, and don’t tell her your opinion on any of her friends. Just S-h-u-t u-p. Wash the dishes, wash her clothes, and clean the house without her help, and occasionally dare to clean her room. And I’m telling you once again: SHUT UP”.
I was in my late twenties, when my mother told me about the conversation with the doctor, and she said that it was an excellent advice, since I turned out quite all right.
Now, as a mother of two teenagers, I embrace those words of wisdom and try my best to follow this advice, thought occasionally, or should I say, often, I am very close to losing my mind.
Let me add that the bribing works like a charm, if you know which magical words to use. Recently, I risked my life and cleaned my daughter’s closet, which was full of empty boxes, empty shampoo bottles, all sorts of unimportant papers, and old clothes that didn’t fit her anymore. I have gathered 3 big bags full of all kind of things to throw away, and put them aside.
When my daughter came home and saw what I have done, she angrily asked, “Why did you touch my things?” I calmly used the highest form of magic words that work on teenager girls, “New clothes”. I said: “I realized that you really need new and fashionable clothes, but you don’t have enough room for them, so I have cleaned your closet a little bit.” These magical words caused her eyes to glitter with joy, and peace returned to earth.
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